A Beginner’s Guide to Killing Cupid

By Elena and Lily

For all you singletons out there, walking around those stores, seeing the chocolate, seeing the teddy bears, seeing the happy couples and wondering “Why can’t I have that?” Well, today you should wonder why should they have that? You shouldn’t have to be glad to have that mask cover up your frown, especially not because of other people’s happiness. Read on to see how you can single handedly take down Valentine’s Day this year.

Photo by Michelle Leman on Pexels.com

A Parade

With just a few days left until Valentine’s Day, you can post fliers on all your neighbors’ doors and let them know you are holding an Anti-Valentine’s Day parade this February 14th. Make sure to hand out eggs for everyone to throw at any happy couples you see.

Another fun idea for the parade is to have everyone dress up in black, and start walking around screaming about how you just came out of the underworld and how love is just completely dead. You can even hand out stickers with the words “Love is Dead” on them!

Better yet, hire some de-motivational speakers for your parade. Hire some people who will talk for hours about how terrible the holiday is and how terrible love is and how it’s not going anywhere. This’ll certainly kill love in the air!

A Hunt

If you have fellow single friends who want to help you out in your endeavor to kill Cupid this year, get them on the same page as you and start scoping out the key places in downtown where love prospers.

Here, you might be lucky and find Cupid! If you luck out, grab the nearest piece of jewelry you can find. Cupid loves shiny things, so especially if you can grab an engagement right, Cupid won’t be able to resist you. 

Now, when Cupid gets close enough to you, have your handy friends entrap the tiny lil love monster! Usually, a box or some silly string will do just the trick.

Seeing as you’ve managed to capture Cupid, what you do next can really be up to you. You can use Cupid’s powers to destroy all love in the universe, or you can use it to ruin your ex’s relationship. The only advice we give to you here is not to let Cupid use those terrible powers on you.

Anti-chocolate boxes 

We all know and love the little chocolates we get to enjoy this time of year. So buy those boxes and eat all the good ones, then get ready for some fun.

Make your own at home chocolates – except maybe not out of the traditional caramels and chocolates everyone loves to eat. Feel free to add in the worst tasting things to hand out to loving couples. Break up a loving couple with a good old garlic chocolate, sure to make their breath so bad there will be no kissing this Valentine’s Day for them. 

Make an assortment of smelly and disgusting treats to ruin the days of all the loving couples you see! I’ll leave the ingredients up to your imagination, but, you’re sure to ruin all the lovely couples’ days with your delicious treats. 

And if you happen to come across Cupid make sure to share the whole box!

Another way

However, if you’re not feeling up to all this trickery, there is one last thing you can do to really ruin Cupids day. Valentine’s Day is all about happy couples and romance, with the expectations to put us single people down for the day. Don’t let that happen!

Have fun, grab some friends, eat some ice cream and have a good time! Nothing quite takes Cupid out like singles having fun on Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be just for the couples, you can make it a fun day for you and your friends too! 

However, if your fun happens to include tormenting couples and hunting down Cupid, we definitely won’t stop you.

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